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Terry Taylor

MARCH’S BREAK FREE TIP shows you how to stop wallowing in guilt and start being fair to yourself.

Are You Being Fair To Yourself?
For you as a human being, life is a process of making choices and acting on them…every day of your life, and in every area of your life. If you make healthy choices, you get to enjoy wonderful rewards. If you make unhealthy choices, you have to suffer the consequences. To put the law of cause and effect into everyday English, “That’s just how the cookie crumbles.”

As an adult, you are very familiar with how the cookie crumbles:

  • You know that if you want a healthy lifestyle but you become too tired or too fat you can adjust your eating, exercise, and sleep habits accordingly.
  • You know that if you want to feel enthusiastic and motivated about your life, you can choose goals that are important and exciting to you.
  • And you also know that if you want to have good relationships you can give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect and fairness.

But when it comes to yourself, do you give yourself the benefit of the doubt? Do you treat yourself with respect and fairness? Or do you treat yourself differently than you treat other people?

I know women who suffer from needless guilt because they did something in the past that  they would not do now, or because they said something in the past that may have had a bad affect on someone else’s life, or because they said something that hurt their loved one’s feelings. They agonize over their own worthiness and condemn themselves to life-long self-scolding and self-doubt.

If you are one of these “innocent apologizers,” you can break free from this unhappy state of affairs.

HERE’S HOW TO GET STARTED:

Ask yourself the following questions – and be sure to answer them!

1. Do you think that good people don’t make mistakes? When you think this way, every time you make a mistake you think you are somehow incapable of living. You end up feeling subhuman and helpless, and you start depending on others to tell you what to do.

2. Do you judge yourself by one standard and judge others by another standard? When you think this way, you think you are somehow undeserving, and that happiness is “meant” for others, but not for you. You end up turning your back on your dreams.

3. Are you trying to live up to an impossible ideal of perfection? When you think this way, you think you are somehow unworthy as a human being. You end up feeling shame and self-hate, and living your life as one long apology.

4. Do you think you should hide who you really are and what you really care about? When you think this way, you miss the chance to live the precious life that is yours alone to live.

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you are treating yourself unfairly. Let’s give each of these questions a “reality check” so that you can stop apologizing and start living!

Question One: It is unfair to think mistakes make you a bad person. Everybody must make mistakes! Human beings are born knowing nothing and it’s natural that we make mistakes as we try out new things. You should not be concerned with making mistakes – you should be concerned with learning from mistakes so you don’t repeat them. If you learn from them, you can save yourself years of conflict and agony and live your life with purpose, confidence and joy. If you don’t learn from them, you will shortchange yourself out of the better life you could have lived.

Question Two: It is unfair to judge yourself by a double standard. When you think you should act one way, but that other people should act another way, you end up with one set of criteria for judging yourself and another set of criteria for judging other people. When you think that others count, but that you don’t count, you’re automatically treating others as the “good guys” and yourself as the “bad guy.” By the same token, if you think you count but that others don’t count, you are treating yourself as the “good guy” and others as the “bad guys.” Either way, it’s not fair to yourself (or others).

Question Three: It is unfair to judge yourself by an impossible ideal of perfection. Furthermore, an impossible ideal of perfection is far from perfection. If your ideal is that you should know everything, you are ignoring the fact that we are born knowing nothing and we have to discover the best way to live. If your ideal is that you should turn your back on the physical aspect of life, you are ignoring the fact that human beings are physical and spiritual beings all rolled up into one. We are real flesh and blood beings with minds that allow conscious awareness, rational thought, and spiritual joy. Together, our minds and our bodies enable us to observe and make sense of the world so we can choose meaningful values, go after our goals, and love living our lives.

Question Four: It is unfair to think you have to apologize for existing. As a living being you have real needs, values and passions. If you think you have to matter to other people before you can matter to yourself, you are treating others as members of the human race but you are treating yourself as an outsider to the human race. This is a betrayal of everything you are and everything you want to be.

When you are unfair to yourself, you rob yourself of your life.

The fact is, you CAN learn from your mistakes, you CAN judge yourself by a healthy standard of conduct, and you CAN include yourself in the human race!

You have only to DECIDE to be fair to yourself, and you are on your way!

I’d love to hear how these steps work for you — feel free to email me at Terry@YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com, or post a comment on my Break Free Blog at www.yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com. Please know that you are welcome to share this BREAK FREE TIP by forwarding this message to a friend or colleague.

Always here to make your days more delicious,
Terry

CityRoom, JustLuxe, The Epoch Times, Big Blend, Spa Review Magazine, Global Writes

Finalist in the Writing and Publishing category of the 2009 Next Generation Indie Book Awards, “$uccess, Your Path to a Successful Book,”