Break Free Tip of the Month from Terry Taylor

It is sad that so many people of all ages have no idea of what they want for their lives. Perhaps you are one of those people? You can make an early New Year’s Resolution to change that right now, because if you don’t, you can end up wasting your entire life waiting for someone else to tell you what to do. Finding out what you truly want for your life can be the best holiday present you will ever give yourself!Getting what you want doesn’t happen automatically. For starters, nobody can know what you want – except you. And you yourself won’t know what you want if you don’t care for yourself enough to find out. So many of us are raised to believe that other people count – but we don’t. We honor other people’s right to go after what they want for their lives, but we don’t honor our own right. You end up thinking that what you want for your life doesn’t matter – and you feel confused, resentful and unhappy.

On the other hand, some people just don’t want to “bother” thinking about what they want for their lives. This is a tough question, and again, you must care enough for yourself to go to the trouble of answering it. Many folks would rather let someone else tell them what to do – and then they wonder why they never got what they wanted out of life.

The fact is, you and only you can live your own life. It is up to you to determine what you want for your life. Without active soul-searching, that answer will never come. You have to DISCOVER what you want for your life. Discovering what you want for your life requires that you take the responsibility to think about your life – instead of “dumping” the responsibility for your life onto someone else.

And that is exactly what this TIP will help you do.

HERE’S HOW TO GET STARTED

How can you discover what you want for your life?  I have found the following steps to be helpful:

Step 1. Brainstorm Your “What Your Want For Your Life” List

Brainstorming means asking yourself a question and then writing down whatever comes to your mind. Here’s what some of the women I surveyed said they wanted for their lives:

• To be a good person
• To do the right thing
• To be engaged in meaningful, fulfilling work
• To have fulfilling relationships
• To have peace of mind
• To achieve something important to me
• To enjoy living my life

Now it’s your turn. Write down whatever comes to your mind about what you want for your life. Then go to Step 2.

Step 2. Get Specific

The list you came up with in Step 1 might be very general and abstract, like my list from the women I surveyed. In Step 2 you will be able to get down to the particulars for your life. The particulars give you specific things to aim for so you can go after what you want for your life. You may not know what all the particulars are, but NOW is the time to search yourself and discipline yourself to put down the best answers you can think of right now. Don’t worry, what you write down is not in stone: as you go after the things that you write down below, your understanding will grow and you might find different things you want to aim for.

Here’s how to get specific with the list I had in Step 1. Your list might be different, but you can use the same method:

• There are many ideas about being a good person and doing the right thing. Write down what yours are so that you know what kind of person you want to be.

• There are many choices you can make for meaningful, fulfilling work. Write down what kind of work would be the most meaningful and fulfilling for you.

• There are many ideas about relationships. Write down what would make your relationships fulfilling for you.

• There are many ideas about peace of mind. Write down what would give you peace of mind.

• There are many ideas about what is important. Write down what is important to you that you would like to achieve.

• There are many ideas about what it takes to enjoy living your life. Write down what it would take for you to enjoy living your life.

Step 3. Give Your List A Reality Check

Step 3 will enable you to see if you have made healthy choices in Step 1 and Step 2. You will explore whether each choice improves your life or hurts your life.

Your “reality check” is based upon nature’s actual requirements for healthy human life. Healthy human life consists of both your PHYSICAL HEALTH and your PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH, which includes your fulfillment and happiness. Your choices for your life should bring you health, fulfillment, and happiness.

Ready? Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is my idea of “being a good person”? Does my idea of being a good person require me to turn my back on myself and live for others? Or does it challenge me to be true to myself and make my dreams come true? Which idea is healthy for my life? Which idea is harmful for my life?

• What is my idea of “doing the right thing”? Does my idea of doing the right thing require me to put my own goals aside to help others with their goals? Or does it challenge me to choose and pursue meaningful goals of my own? Which idea is healthy for my life? Which idea is harmful for my life?

• What is my idea of “meaningful, fulfilling work”? What are some examples of what I would like to do? Would these be healthy or harmful for my life? If one of my choices would be harmful for my life, what would be a better choice for me?

• What is my idea of a “fulfilling relationship”? Is this idea healthy or harmful for my life? If harmful, what would be a better choice for me?

• What is my idea of “something important” to me? Is this idea healthy or harmful  for my life? If harmful, what would be a better choice for me?

Sorting out your healthy ideas from your unhealthy ideas is crucial to everything on your Want List because:

• You can’t feel good about being a good person if your idea of being good is physically or psychologically hurtful to you.
• You can’t feel good about doing the right thing if your idea of the right thing is physically or psychologically hurtful to you.
• You can’t feel like you’re engaged in meaningful, fulfilling work if your work is physically or psychologically hurtful to you.
• You can’t feel like your relationships are fulfilling if your idea of relationships is physically or psychologically hurtful to you.
• You can’t feel like you achieve something important to you if you are trying to achieve something that  is physically or psychologically hurtful to you.

Only when your ideas of what you want for your life are physically and psychologically healthy for you can you feel true peace of mind and enjoy living your life.  Healthy ideas enable you to have mutually rewarding relationships and to feel enthusiastic and fully alive. They enable you know you’ve accomplished something worthwhile. And at the end of your life, healthy ideas enable you to feel that you’ve truly LIVED!

I’d love to hear how these steps work for you – feel free to email me at Terry@YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com, or post a comment on my Break Free Blog at www.yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com. Please know that you are welcome to share this BREAK FREE TIP by forwarding this message to a friend or colleague.