FEBRUARY’S BREAK FREE TIP From Terry Jean Taylor

Terry Taylor

This shows you how to find the kind of romantic relationship that magnifies your productivity and happiness a thousand fold.

Ah, love is in the air…but where’s the Valentine that’s meant for ME? When is Cupid going to direct somebody’s heart my way?

Finding the Love of Your Life

Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. Nobody is “meant” for you – you have to EARN another person’s love. It’s up to YOU, not Cupid. That’s actually GOOD news, because it means you don’t have to “wait around” for fate; you can take matters into your own hands!

Finding romance doesn’t happen automatically. For starters, nobody can know what kind of romantic relationship you want – except you. And you yourself won’t know what kind of romantic relationship you want if you don’t care for yourself enough to find out.

Knowing what you want is half the battle. How many people do you know who follow their feelings and leave “falling in love” up to chance? How many people do you know who are miserable in their marriages because they didn’t THINK about what they wanted before they got married?

Knowing what you want takes a little brainwork! But it’s worth it because – even if you’re not actively looking for a romantic relationship – if you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

How can you discover the kind of relationship you want? You can observe your parents’ relationship, and the relationships of other husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends. You can say to yourself, “I like how they do such and such,” or, “I don’t like how they do such and such.” You can read books and watch movies and PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR RESPONSE, favorable or unfavorable, to each of the love relationships portrayed in those stories. Most importantly, you can discover what’s most important to you for your life so you can find a mate who also honors those things that are important to you. And you can discover what’s most important to the people you date, so you can know if you can respect and honor those things that are important to each one of them.

You don’t want to settle for ANY kind of Valentine. A healthy romantic relationship will magnify your productivity and happiness a thousand-fold. But an unhealthy romantic relationship will drain you and leave you feeling empty, unhappy and miserable. It is far better to live alone than to be involved in an unhealthy romantic relationship.

You can find romance at any age. Having a healthy romantic relationship is possible at any age…you just have to find a good match for yourself.

And that is what this TIP is designed to help you do.

HERE’S HOW TO GET STARTED

How can you find the love of your life?  Here are three steps you can take to be ready and to recognize when the love of your life comes along:

• Step 1. Make Yourself Lovable – To Yourself
• Step 2. List What You Love Doing
• Step 3. Go DO The Things You Enjoy Most

The first step is the most involved and the most challenging, because it takes some soul-searching and some brain work. The other two steps are easy. Charge ahead!

Step 1. Make Yourself Lovable – To Yourself

If you’re like many people, you think you must please others to make them “love” you. As a result, you completely ignore your own standards and your own feelings about yourself. But the way you treat yourself makes all the difference in how you “come across” to others. No matter how much other people compliment you or try to “build you up,” your feelings about your own self are the primary factor in making yourself attractive to other people.

When you make yourself lovable to yourself, you nip the problem in the bud. Without having to depend on others, you can earn your own self-respect and build up your own sense of self-worth. This boosts your self-esteem and enables you to feel confident and courageous in going after the things you want for your life. And this makes you attractive and “lovable” to others.

Ask yourself, “What character traits do I admire in others?” “Who are my heroes or heroines?” “What makes them my heroes?” “Which of those traits would I like to develop in myself?” And most importantly, ask “What character traits will help me live a healthy, fulfilling, happy human life?”

But don’t just ASK those questions. ANSWER them! (The character traits you admire come from your own personal view of yourself, the world, and other people. If you need help uncovering your own personal views and discovering what is truly important to you, read my book, This Is Your Life: No Apology Needed. Or listen to the companion CD program, 8 Steps For Reclaiming Your Life From Conflict, Confusion, and the Control of Others. Both will enable you to discover a healthy “Recipe For Living,” and both are available at my website,www.YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com .)

Here are some character traits that I have admired in others and have chosen to develop in myself. They are DECISIONS I have made to improve my “lovability” and my life:

• First of all, I decided to VALUE myself and others as worthy of living and capable of greatness – rather than putting myself and the whole human race down as unworthy, wretched creatures incapable of thinking and making wise decisions for their lives.

If I hadn’t made this decision, I wouldn’t have bothered with other life-improving character traits, because I would have accepted the idea that I was – by my very nature as a human being – degenerate and “un-lovable.” And so was everybody else. And this idea would have led me to an entirely different set of life-debilitating character traits, likeself-deprecation, passivity and submissiveness to the say-so of others.

This first decision to value myself and others made me look forward to living my life and acquiring the other character traits I admire:

• I decided to be HONEST with myself and the facts of reality – instead of building my life on wishes and fears.

• I decided to be ENTHUSIASTIC about life in general and my own life in particular – rather than being “ho-hum” about the marvels and possibilities for my life.

• I decided to be SELF-RESPONSIBLE by taking charge of directing my own life – instead of burdening others with that responsibility.

• I decided to be PURPOSEFUL by choosing what’s most important to me for my life – instead of acting randomly according to my feelings or other people’s demands of the moment.

• I decided to be PRODUCTIVE by taking actions to achieve what is most important to me for my life – instead of letting my dreams die because of other people’s ridicule or my unwillingness to act.

• I decided to be RESPECTFUL of each person’s natural right to direct his or her own life – instead of forcing some people to live for other people.

• I decided to be EXPRESSIVE of my purpose and my values – instead of keeping everything to myself.

• And I decided to be DEDICATED to my values, my dreams, my goals, and my life – instead of being a couch potato or a mere “sidekick” to somebody else’s life.

When you develop and nurture healthy traits that you admire, you make yourself lovable – to yourself, as well as to others who also value those traits. And you feel PASSIONATE about life!

Now it’s your turn. Write down the traits that you would like to develop in yourself to help you love living your life. Then go to Step 2.

Step 2. List What You Love Doing

Now ask yourself, “What do I love doing?” Just jot down the things you already know about yourself. It can be in any order. Here’s my list:

• Dancing (alone or with others)
• Hiking (alone or with others)
• Reading (alone or with others)
• Writing (alone)
• Making music (singing, piano, fiddle) (alone or with others)
• Having good discussions
• Learning and Improving my knowledge and my conduct
• Thinking about an important issue
• Teaching others to love living their lives

Step 3. Go DO The Things You Enjoy Most

Now DO the things on your list, starting with the most enjoyable things – and the things that will bring you together with other people who share your interests. That way, you are much more likely to find someone who will enhance your life.

I was 44 years old when I met the man of my dreams at a 2-week philosophical conference that included wonderful discussions about important issues plus two social dances. I discovered that this man loved to discuss ideas and he loved to dance! (He was also gallant, he had a quiet, confident manner, and he was tall, dark and handsome!) Married and divorced, neither of us was “looking” for another romantic partner. But we fell in love because we each knew what we wanted in a romantic partner, and we came to the exciting realization that we had found it. I’m now in my twenty-fifth year of marriage to that man, and he has expanded my universe and magnified my love for life a thousand-fold!

The most important thing to realize is that when you love your own self, you no longer feel desperate to find someone who loves you. Yes, you yearn for someone to love, but now you can take the time and make the effort to make sure your Valentine is someone who commands your respect, and is a good match for your values and dreams for your life. Meanwhile, you can keep making yourself lovable to yourself, you can keep meeting more and more people and building beautiful friendships, and all along you can be doing what you truly love to do. Instead of being envious or resentful, you can be happy for others who have found their soul-mate. But best of all, when you love and respect yourself, you can love living your life whether or not Cupid shoots his arrow your way this particular Valentine’s Day.

I’d love to hear how these steps work for you — feel free to email me at Terry@YourRecipeForLivingCoach.com, or post a comment on my Break Free Blog at www.yourrecipeforlivingcoach.com. Please know that you are welcome to share this BREAK FREE TIP by forwarding this message to a friend or colleague.